<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>neon green ecto-facial blast by lipsticksunrise</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27612113">neon green ecto-facial blast</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipsticksunrise/pseuds/lipsticksunrise'>lipsticksunrise</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Facials, Kink Discovery, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Canon, Slime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:35:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27612113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipsticksunrise/pseuds/lipsticksunrise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>John discovers that he does, in fact, have some weird kinks.</p><p>(It's slime porn. I really don't know what else there is to say.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Egbert/Dirk Strider</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello dirkjohn community. the context for the title is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXDqP9wjNac">here</a>, right around 0:15. uh. i don't really have an excuse or a reason for this one but here it is!</p><p>enjoy!</p><p>edit: now with a lovely illustration from lunriphus! (<a href="https://lunriphus.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>/<a href="https://www.instagram.com/lunriphus/?hl=en">instagram</a>)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Okay, okay, Rainbow Dash is your waifu. Moving on,” John groans. “Your turn.” </p>
<p>Dirk snorts, although his expression doesn’t change at all. It’s weird in a way that John has gotten used to faster than he probably should’ve, but it’s not as weird as them deciding that a no-holds barred lightning round was appropriate pillow talk after a round of really, really good sex. Dirk had said something about it being the best time for it because of what he calls “post-nut clarity,” but John is groggy and half-asleep. As such, he almost thinks he’s misheard Dirk’s question.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I said,” Dirk says, “what are your kinks?”</p>
<p>“Uh,” John says. “Like… fetishes?”</p>
<p>Dirk rolls onto his side and fixes John with one of his patented, capital-s Stares. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” John says. He shrugs and rolls onto his back, because staring at the ceiling is less than intimidating than staring at Dirk. Not that he doesn’t love to stare at Dirk, because the three months their relationship has spanned so far has been nowhere enough time for him to stare as much as he wants to, it’s just… easier during literally any other conversation. “None?”</p>
<p>“Dude. Everyone has kinks,” Dirk says. “I mean, I’m sure yours as repressed as shit, but they’re there.” </p>
<p>“Uh, I am pretty sure that I’d know if I had kinks. I’m basically done being repressed,” John points out. “I’m dating you, which is pretty gay.”</p>
<p>“You’ve made a brave start on the journey of self-acceptance,” Dirk says dryly. “But c’mon. You can’t tell me you just, like, click on whatever’s on the home screen of Pornhub or whatever. What do you search?”</p>
<p>John sighs perhaps a bit melodramatically. He’s both too tired and too naked for this conversation. “Like, I don’t know? Sex? Blowjobs?”</p>
<p>“Blowjobs,” Dirk repeats. </p>
<p>“Blowjobs!” John says, throwing his hands up in the air. “Come on, we’ve had enough sex that I think you’d know if I had any fetishes or whatever.” </p>
<p>“Bullshit,” Dirk says easily. “You don’t know about most of my kinks. Also, fetish isn’t an exact synonym for kink, by the way, they’re not interchangeable.” </p>
<p>John rolls back onto his side and blinks at Dirk. Dirk doesn’t blink back. He’s kind of like a cat. “What do you mean?” </p>
<p>“A kink is just, like, a sexual interest or something you find arousing, but a fetish is something that pretty much needs to be present for you to be aroused.”</p>
<p>“Huh,” John says. “Interesting, sort of.” </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Dirk says, “but stop deflecting. You can’t tell me that you just don’t have any kinks.” </p>
<p>“Well, I just did!” John says. “Also, I am pretty sure that I said blowjobs, do those not count?” </p>
<p>Dirk sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I mean, I <i>guess</i> they count. But that’s just - like, no real human is just into blowjobs and that’s it. Is it clowns or something?”</p>
<p>“<i>Clowns</i>?” John groans. “No. It’s not clowns, dude, I just don’t have any!”</p>
<p>“Hm,” Dirk says, with the tone of someone that is clearly still not taking ‘I don’t have any’ as an answer. “Is it vore? You know, I actually bet it’s vore.”</p>
<p>John wrinkles his nose. He’s pretty sure that Dave and/or Rose have mentioned this to him before, but all that he remembers is that he doesn’t want Dirk to explain it. “It’s not vore,” he says.</p>
<p>“Do you even know what vore is?” Dirk says. He props himself up on one elbow and grabs his shades from the nightstand, putting them on and falling quiet as he, presumably, makes some Google searches that John really doesn’t want him to make.</p>
<p>“Well, no,” John says, “but I’m pretty sure I’m not into it.” </p>
<p>“How would you know if you haven’t seen it?” Dirk points out. He’s quiet for another moment, then takes his shades off and holds them out to John. “Y’know, I’ll accept that you just don’t know what your kinks are yet, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to help you find them. Here, watch this.”</p>
<p>John sits up, takes one arm of the shades, and holds them away from himself like they’re a bug or some sort of gross, sexually-awakening grenade. “I don’t want to watch <i>vore</i>, Dirk.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“John,” Dirk says, taking the shades out of John’s hand and reaching up to place them directly onto John’s face. “I could be doing you a huge favor here. This could improve all of your future orgasms, like, exponentially.”</p>
<p>John snorts. “Do you mean fa-vore?”</p>
<p>“I’m not even going to respond to that,” Dirk says. He reaches forward and taps the side of the shades, and the video that John was making an impressive attempt at not looking at starts playing. </p>
<p>Two minutes and twenty-six seconds later, John and Dirk are both absolutely sure that it’s not vore. “What the fuck even was that?” John exclaims, tossing the shades back onto the nightstand with disgust.</p>
<p>“Vore,” Dirk says, succinctly. John scowls at him. “No, c’mon, don’t kinkshame, dude. What if I told you I’m actually really into that shit?”</p>
<p>John casts a wary glance at the shades, then back at Dirk. “Are you actually really into that shit?”</p>
<p>Dirk shrugs. “Nah. I mean, it’s not the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen, and it makes sense, like, psychologically, at least more so than some other kinks, but it’s not my thing.” </p>
<p>“Huh,” John says, more than a little relieved, then, “Wait, what <i>is</i> your thing, wise guy?”</p>
<p>Dirk’s cheeks flush, just a bit, and John smirks. “Stop looking at me like that,” Dirk warns, but it’s nowhere near as intimidating as he probably thinks it is since he’s wearing nothing but a carefully-placed bedsheet and has a serious case of sex hair. “It’s pony play. And no, I’m not explaining it to you until we’ve discovered what yours is.”</p>
<p>John… doesn’t exactly want to know what that means, but he figures it’ll probably be better than watching anything else that Dirk can think of. And besides, Dirk’s cute when he’s flustered like this, especially since he’s trying so hard to hide it. “But what if that’s also my thing?” John asks. “You could be robbing me of, like, really good orgasms.”</p>
<p>Dirk narrows his eyes at him. “I really don’t think you’re going to be into it,” he says, but his hand is creeping towards his shades again. Success.</p>
<p>“C’mon,” John whines, “you never know! Unless - wait, is this, like, My Little Pony porn?” </p>
<p>Dirk gives him a, frankly, horrified look. “No, what the fuck?”</p>
<p>“You said pony!” John protests. “Also, you were talking about Rainbow Dash or whoever being your waifu literally two minutes ago.”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t mean I want to <i>fuck</i> her,” Dirk says, looking more offended than he really has the right to be. “I just respect her as a character, Christ. I mean, okay, kin might be a better term than waifu, or comfort character at the very least, but it’s - she’s a cartoon horse, John.”</p>
<p>“And you just made me watch porn of a cartoon dragon eating a fucking person!” John exclaims. </p>
<p>Dirk gives him a look of absolute betrayal and grabs his shades off of the nightstand. “It’s different,” he says, like that clears anything up. “I’ll explain it more later, just - here, watch this.” </p>
<p>John takes the shades with slightly less trepidation this time but stops just short of putting them on his face. “You pulled that up really fast, dude.” </p>
<p>Dirk’s cheeks flush a little more, but his facial expression doesn’t change. “I told you it’s my thing, I don’t know what else to say.” </p>
<p>“You know, most people just cuddle after sex,” John grumbles, but he puts the shades on anyway, tapping the side to play the video before Dirk has to reach over. </p>
<p>Five minutes and seventeen seconds later, John takes the shades and hands them back to Dirk. Dirk seems to be making a point to stare directly at him, like, <i>See? Eye contact. I’m not embarrassed that I just made you watch a video of a guy walking around on all fours with a bridle in his mouth and told you that that’s what gets me off.</i> It works, sort of. </p>
<p>“I told you it wouldn’t be your thing,” Dirk says. </p>
<p>“I never said it wasn’t,” John points out, “but yeah, you’re right. Is that really - you’re into that?”</p>
<p>“It’s not, like, a serious fetish or anything, but yeah,” Dirk says. He stares at John for a second longer before he blinks and the tension disappears. </p>
<p>“Huh,” John says. “Well, uh, I mean, if you ever wanted to… you know. I’ll try anything once.”</p>
<p>“Noted,” Dirk says, then, because he’s the worst, officially, whinnies. John can’t decide if he wants to hit him with a pillow or kiss him, so he settles for dropping back down onto the bed and and resting his head on Dirk’s chest. </p>
<p>“Can we move on now?” he says. “I think it’s circled back to being your turn again.” </p>
<p>Dirk tangles his hand in John’s hair and plays with it idly. “I think we’ve moved on from lightning round to just, like, a quest to find your repressed kinks. I’m deep in the fuckin’ Egbert psychology trenches now, dude, I’m not getting out until we’ve gotten to the bottom of this, and by bottom I definitely mean whatever the fuck flavor of ass it is that really gets you going.”</p>
<p>“Your ass,” John says, tilting his head to the side and licking the closest bit of Dirk he can find, which happens to be that weird space above his pecs but below his collarbone, to prove his point. </p>
<p>Dirk mutters something that sounds kind of like <i>blegh</i> but doesn’t move. “Here,” he says, “as great as my ass is, it still doesn’t count as a weird kink. Watch this?” </p>
<p>Those two words are repeated over four to six minutes intervals for the next hour, as Dirk finds increasingly obscure, - and, in John’s opinion, gross - porn. John obliges and watches them all, but by the time he hands Dirk his shades back with the firm proclamation of, “And that was the last one,” he still maintains that he doesn’t have a weird, repressed kink of any sort and tells Dirk as much.</p>
<p>“Seriously?” Dirk asks. “I mean, alright, we definitely skipped around some, it would’ve made much more sense to start with an actual foundation of, like, vanilla shit and progress from there instead of showing you vore first thing, but c’mon. There’s gotta be <i>something</i> in there that at least made you think, huh, okay, let me go a little further down that fuckin’ rabbit hole.”</p>
<p>John thinks back through the videos and shrugs. Most of it just straight up wasn’t hot, not even in the way that most porn is hot solely by virtue of being porn. “I don’t know,” he says. “I guess the bondage stuff was okay? And the - I don’t remember, one of the Japanese words.” </p>
<p>“One of the Japanese words,” Dirk repeats dryly. </p>
<p>“Yeah, it was, um, shit. I really don’t remember,” John says. He shifts - somehow he’s ended up curled around Dirk, his nose in Dirk’s hair and his arms around Dirk’s waist. That’s cool, at least Dirk can’t see his face from this angle. </p>
<p>“Can you describe it?”</p>
<p>John bites his lip. He… doesn’t want to describe it. He knows that Dirk isn’t going to judge him - and wouldn’t have the right to even if he did - and honestly, it seemed pretty tame in comparison to some of the shit Dirk pulled up, but it’s still embarrassing. “I don’t know,” John says again, “it was, like, you know.”</p>
<p>“I don’t, actually,” Dirk says. He turns in John’s arms, and well, fuck, the angle might be awkward, but now he’s looking at him with those bright orange eyes. John’s cheeks flush.</p>
<p>“It was, like… I mean, okay, I’m pretty sure you’re not going to let me count facials, but I already knew those are hot, but the thing was, like-”</p>
<p>Dirk, the fucking bastard, looks nothing but amused. “Bukkake,” he finishes. “Interesting and not surprising, although I still think you’re holding out on me. And yourself too, for that matter.” </p>
<p>“What does that mean?” John protests. “I think book-cock-whatever is weird enough! I’d never even heard of it before!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but you also didn’t know what vore was,” Dirk points out. “I don’t think you’re, like, a standard for what kinks are ‘normal.’ Also, it definitely feels like you’re just clinging to the fact that you said blowjobs earlier.” </p>
<p>John rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling like he’s asking it for help. It does nothing, of course. “Yeah, well, they’re hot!”</p>
<p>“True,” Dirk admits. He’s quiet for a moment, which John can’t decide is a relief or not, then says, “This isn’t actually a big deal, I’ll drop it if it’s actually bugging you. Bukkake’s an acceptably weird kink, I guess.” </p>
<p>John snorts. “I don’t actually care, if you want to discover my - probably non-existent, but still - ultimate repressed kink or whatever, knock yourself out, just - tomorrow, maybe? I’m kind of falling asleep right now.” </p>
<p>“I hope you know that I’m not going to drop this, then,” Dirk warns, “but yeah, tomorrow. I’ll do research.”</p>
<p>“Oh, god,” John says, but he’s already curling back around Dirk and closing his eyes. Dirk will probably forget about it by morning, and if not, that’s a problem for tomorrow. </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>For a few days, it seems that Dirk has actually, miraculously, forgotten about it. He doesn’t bring it up, so neither does John. In fact, it’s almost completely out of John’s mind when he and Dirk are arguing over what movie to watch for their weekly movie night. </p>
<p>“I don’t get what you have against <i>Shrek</i>,” Dirk says, with more seriousness than anyone has probably ever said anything of the sort. “It’s a good film.” </p>
<p>“It’s <i>Shrek</i>,” John protests. “Look, I let you pick last week and we watched <i>Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron</i> for the eighth time.”</p>
<p>“And it was a fucking masterpiece, like always,” Dirk says. He pulls <i>Shrek</i> off of the shelf and pops open the case. “What else would you even want to watch?”</p>
<p>John flops back onto the couch with a defeated sigh. Experience has taught him that trying to wrestle Dirk for the disc will end sometimes in sex, most often in crushing defeat, and absolutely never in victory. “I don’t know,” he says, “<i>Ghostbusters 2</i>?” </p>
<p>“No.” Dirk bends down to put the disc into the DVD player, clearly signalling that the discussion is over. It’s cool, John doesn’t actually mind <i>Shrek</i> all that much, it’s just the principle of the thing. And also a little bit of the fact that Dirk’s ass looks great from this angle. “I can feel you staring at my ass.”</p>
<p>John’s cheeks flush. “I’m not staring at your ass,” he says. “<i>Shrek</i> is, like, the most anti-horny movie ever, I think.”</p>
<p>Dirk stands up and drops down onto the couch next to John, throwing an arm around John’s shoulders and reaching for the remote with his free hand. “As opposed to <i>Ghostbusters 2</i>, which everyone knows is basically borderline porn?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” John agrees, because see, he’s learning the ways of irony, or whatever. Something like that. </p>
<p>The <i>Shrek</i> menu screen pops up, but Dirk doesn’t hit play. Instead, inexplicably, he says, “Shit. I think I just figured it out.”</p>
<p>John half-turns to face him. “What?”</p>
<p>“I think I just figured it out,” Dirk repeats, which clears up nothing. “Or at least, I have a new theory. Hang on.” He disentangles himself from John and grabs his phone from the coffee table like he’s completely forgotten that he’s wearing his shades. </p>
<p>“Uh,” John says, then. “Oh, wait, is this about that shit again?”</p>
<p>Dirk’s lips quirk up, but he appears to be a little too busy opening a new browser window - it’s not even incognito, Christ - and typing in something that John is going to do his best to ignore until the last possible minute. “Yeah, if you mean your repressed kinks,” he says. “Here.”</p>
<p>He hands John his phone, and John takes it with no small amount of trepidation. Again - the situation is funny, it’s just… weird. And a little embarrassing. He does his best to tune out the <i>Shrek</i> menu music and hits play. </p>
<p>The details of the video are mostly unimportant. It’s animated, which has kind of become an instant red flag for John, but he quickly forgets to be worried about that, because there’s. Well, slime is the only word for it. There’s slime, and a lot of it, and really, the only important part of the situation is that John gets a boner before the marker at the bottom of the screen has even passed two minutes out of four. And it’s not even, like, one of those “stiff wind” boners. No, it’s a certified, not going away without a lot of cold water and unsexy thoughts, very fucking obvious in his sweatpants boner. </p>
<p>Dirk notices instantly, of course. “So,” he says, gently taking his phone back once the video ends. “On a scale of one to ten, how right was I?” </p>
<p>“Uh,” John says. He shifts his weight, which, of course, does nothing to hide his boner. What the fuck was that? “I mean - how the fuck did you even know about that?”</p>
<p>DIrk shrugs. “I was doing research about kinks the other night to try and find one that seemed up your alley, and boom. It makes perfect sense with your <i>Ghostbusters</i> obsession, which also ties into your blowjob thing. It all comes - pun-intended - full circle.”</p>
<p>John groans and buries his face in his hands. It doesn’t help, because without the living room to look at, his brain helpfully provides him with a bunch of images from the video. And then, because his brain is even more of an asshole than Dirk is, it provides him with those same images, just with - Dirk. Dirk, flat on his back, looking up at John, shirtless and covered in - John lifts his face from his hands and looks up at the ceiling. “I guess it could be worse,” he eventually admits. “I mean, you’re into horse stuff, you really can’t judge me.”</p>
<p>“I know, I’m not judging you,” Dirk says. He sounds amused, like he hasn’t just directly caused John to realize that he has a <i>slime</i> kink. What the fuck even <i>is</i> that? “I mean, really, it’s not even that out there, and really, not that much of a surprise for you.”</p>
<p>“Oh my <i>god</i>,” John groans. He knows he’s being a bit melodramatic - it is funny, in a way, and it makes sense, in a weirder way, and look, his mind is kind of on the one way boner track at the moment - but still. What the fuck? “I mean - yeah, you’re not wrong, but still!”</p>
<p>“I can’t believe I’m dating a guy whose sexual awakening was almost definitely <i>Ghostbusters</i>,” Dirk muses, still managing to sound nothing but amused about John’s minor slime kink crisis. “Huh.” </p>
<p>John sighs as dramatically as he possibly can. “Look, fuck you,” he says, though there’s no heat in it.</p>
<p>Dirk smirks. “Do you want to? Like, with slime, I mean?”</p>
<p>“<i>Oh my god</i>,” John groans again, putting his hands on his face again. It’s fine. This situation is fine. “How would that even be possible?”</p>
<p>“I mean, we could make slime,” Dirk offers. “Though it might be easier to just buy. And then just get some sort of hose or sprayer, and boom. Neon green bukkake, homemade edition. I’m assuming you’d want to be the one doing the actual sliming?” </p>
<p>“Dude. I discovered this two fucking minutes ago, give me a minute,” John complains.</p>
<p>“I’ll take that as a yes,” Dirk says. “Like, obviously it doesn’t have to be right this minute, but I’m willing to get slimed.”</p>
<p>John is pretty sure that his brain is at a serious risk of shorting out. Okay. Watching a video of someone getting covered in sticky, bright green slime gave him a boner. That’t - that’s cool! Really. Slime is hot. It’s not exactly out of left field for him and his interests. But now Dirk is saying that it doesn’t have to remain some abstract concept/occasional Pornhub search. Dirk is saying that he’s willing to get slimed. By John. With… slime. </p>
<p>“Yes, with slime,” Dirk says, amused. </p>
<p>John blinks and takes his hands off his face so that he can look at Dirk. Fuck, he totally said that last part - and hopefully just that last part - out loud. “Okay. Okay, this is cool. Yeah. We’ll, uh, slime it up. Just, right now, do you think -”</p>
<p>“Yeah, c’mere,” Dirk says. John starts to force his limbs into something resembling movement, but his lap is abruptly full of Dirk before he can really get anyway. </p>
<p>“Uh, hey,” John says. </p>
<p>“Hey,” Dirk says. He looks horribly smug, <i>told you so</i> written all over his face as he settles so that he’s straddling John on his knees, his hands braced behind John’s head on the back of the couch. “So. What’s the appeal?”</p>
<p>“Of… slime.”</p>
<p>Dirk grinds down against John, and John’s mouth falls open in a gasp. Okay. Well, at least he’s not the only one with a boner. “Yeah, I mean, I get that it’s pretty much bright green bukkake, but what else?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, I discovered it literally two minutes ago!” John exclaims. “Can we figure it out when I’m not, like, really, really horny?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Dirk says, and thank fuck, he’s leaning down and kissing John before either of them can say anything else. He’s still radiating that stupid, smug energy, but it’s a lot easier to ignore it when his tongue is in John’s mouth. </p>
<p>John kisses him back, reaching up to grab Dirk’s ass and pull him as close as he can go. His eyes fall shut, and he only tries to keep his brain “on track” for a moment before letting himself just… imagine it. It being slime stuff, of course, slime stuff with him and Dirk, Dirk on the bed, covered in bright globs of slime, all over his chest and arms and on his face and - </p>
<p>“What’re you thinking about?” Dirk asks, sliding his mouth across John’s jawline and nipping at his neck. His breath is hot on John’s skin and he’s still rolling his hips down and really, John is just way more keyed up than he’d normally like to be at this stage in the game. </p>
<p>John drops his head back onto the back of the couch and whines when Dirk’s hands slide down to rest on his hips, teasing at the hem of his shirt. “Take a wild guess.”</p>
<p>“Well, yeah,” Dirk says, “but what specifically?”</p>
<p>Okay. Dirk <i>said</i> that he’s not judging John, and he acknowledged that he wouldn’t have room to if he was, but … it’s still pretty embarrassing. “You know,” John says, vaguely, and reaches around to unbutton Dirk’s jeans in a feeble attempt at distraction. </p>
<p>It works for a second - Dirk’s breath catches, and he lifts his hips up just long enough for John to push his jeans and boxers down, but then he presses back in before John can actually touch his dick. “Are you thinkin’ about sliming me? Just, like, getting a whole bucket of the shit - wait, hang on, I bet this is actually a huge thing for trolls, don’t let me forget to ask someone about that, but, you know, just all of that thick, sticky slime getting all over me and -”</p>
<p>John’s not proud of it, okay, but he whines, just a bit, in the back of his throat. Look. It’s hot! Dirk is hot, and slime, apparently, is hot, and the fact that Dirk’s hands have slipped down the back of his sweatpants and are groping at his ass is - guess what - hot. “Sure,” he says, “yeah. That.” </p>
<p>“Yeah?” Dirk says. John doesn’t need to see him to know that he’s smirking again. God, he’s never going to shut up about this, is he? </p>
<p>“Yeah,” John says, and then, before Dirk can say anything worse, he reaches down and wraps his hand around Dirk’s dick. It’s not ideal, since they’re going to have to hunt down some lube in about thirty seconds, but Dirk still makes a soft, choked sound. John grins. “You know, this is pretty much giving me free reign to mess with you about the horse stuff. Or free <i>rein</i>, I guess.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god,” Dirk mutters. He drops his forehead onto John’s shoulder and grabs onto John’s ass harder as John actually starts to jerk him off, dragging his hand up slowly, then thumbing over the head in the way that he knows Dirk really likes. “Can you not make horse puns while your hand is on my dick? Also, where’s the lube? I think I left some on the side table there the other day.”</p>
<p>“I feel like you’ve said worse things while your hand was on my dick,” John points out, which is almost definitely true even if he can’t think of an example right now. “Shit, okay, hang on.” </p>
<p>He reaches blindly for the side table and smacks his hand around until he feels a familiar bottle. <i>Thank you, Dirk from the other day.</i> It takes him a moment to flip the cap open, especially since Dirk decides that while he’s trying is the perfect time to start tugging his sweatpants down, but he gets there eventually. </p>
<p>He pours a bit into his free hand, then reaches down for Dirk’s dick again. He doesn’t think at all about how the lube feels how slime might feel, slippery and a bunch of other adjectives that are probably best left to bodice-rippers, and instead focuses on the breathy gasp that Dirk makes right into his ear. </p>
<p>“Fuck,” Dirk says, just under his breath, his hips jerking forward and his hands faltering where they’re grabbing onto the waistband of John’s boxers. “Shit. Lift your ass up?” </p>
<p>John obliges, and he passes Dirk the lube before he even has to ask because okay, maybe it’s only been a few minutes but John already feels like he watched the video, like, eight hours ago and has been waiting to get off ever since. Fuck. </p>
<p>John’s brain shifts away from coherent thought a bit as Dirk gets his hand on his dick and they somehow fall into a rhythm and - okay, Dirk says some more shit about slime. Most of it is stupid and doesn’t bear repeating, with the exception of when he says something about “lying helpless to John’s whims” and “dripping with it,” and yeah, okay, John comes with a quiet grunt. </p>
<p>“Shit,” he gasps, trying to remember to keep moving his hand on Dirk as he catches his breath. “Shit, dude.”</p>
<p>Dirk wipes his hand off on John’s thigh - which, gross, but also not that bad given the context - and makes a weird half-laugh, half-moan sound as John pulls him closer by his ass and he comes. They both stay there for a moment, just breathing, and then Dirk says, “Oh my god.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“We completely fucking forgot about <i>Shrek</i>.”</p>
<p>It takes a bit of doing, but they manage to get their shit together enough for Dirk to deem them in the proper state to watch <i>Shrek</i>. Slime falls out of the conversation as the movie starts, and because John hasn’t learned anything about his boyfriend, apparently, he figures that that’ll be the end of it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That’s not the end of it, because Dirk is nothing if not the kind of person that always sees his projects through to the end. He does more research than is strictly necessary and more research after that, watches more slime porn than anyone should really ever watch in a week, and then spends several days with his ringer on so that he doesn’t miss any updates from his package tracking service. </p>
<p>John is oblivious. He doesn’t mention anything, unsurprisingly, and so Dirk doesn’t bring it up. He knows John’s thinking about it, though, and yeah, okay, it’s not a capital-t Thing for Dirk or anything, but it <i>could</i> be. Especially since seeing John that turned on is gratifying enough on its own. </p>
<p>The point is that when the doorbell rings on Saturday morning, one week after Dirk gently pushed John down the path of sexual discovery, Dirk checks his phone to see a <i>Delivered!</i> notification and grins, all while John is oblivious. </p>
<p>“I think that was the mail,” Dirk says, gesturing towards the door with his spoon. A Cheerio falls out of it and lands on the table. He ignores it. </p>
<p>John looks over his shoulder at the door like it’s a particularly poorly-written line of code. “Why didn’t they just put it in the mailbox?”</p>
<p>“Because there’s a package that doesn’t fit in the mailbox,” Dirk says. “This isn’t rocket science? And wasn’t mail, like, a whole thing for you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I understand it,” John says. “Also, I am pretty sure I haven’t ordered any packages?”</p>
<p>“I know,” Dirk says, around a mouthful of Cheerios. “I did. Will you go get it?”</p>
<p>John gives him a vaguely suspicious look. Dirk arranges his face into an expression that he’s pretty sure says <i>What? I’m just eating breakfast, dude,</i> and definitely not <i>I’m sending you to go get stuff to fulfill your weird but kinda hot kink</i>. </p>
<p>From the look of it, John buys it, because he gets up from the table and heads over to the door without another word. There’s a pause. “Why’s this addressed to ‘Johm Eggbret?’” </p>
<p>“So no one at the shipping place loses their shit,” Dirk explains, “and because it’s for you.” </p>
<p>John carries the package over to the table and places it down, all while staring at Dirk suspiciously. “Is this a prank? Because you’re getting in over your head if it is.”</p>
<p>“Nope,” Dirk says. He pushes his half-empty bowl of cereal aside and reaches for a box cutter, holding it out to John. “Here.”</p>
<p>John takes it and slices the box open. Dirk watches the muscles in his arms work under the loose fabric of his t-shirt and exhales slowly. God. It’s really not fair that John’s that strong just from throwing around a few hammers, but it’s not like Dirk’s complaining. “I really don’t trust how quiet you’re being right now,” John says.</p>
<p>“You’re going to like it, just open the box,” Dirk says. Sure, okay, maybe surprising John with this when he’s probably still trying to convince himself that he doesn’t have a slime kink isn’t the “nicest” move in the book, but he’s pretty sure it’s going to be a lot more effective re:sex than any other approach, and… well. Priorities. Also, John’s face when he looks into the box is funny as shit. </p>
<p>“Dirk,” John says slowly, taking a half-step back from the box. “Why is there a tub of slime in here.”</p>
<p>“Take a wild fuckin’ guess, buddy.” </p>
<p>“Oh my god,” John says. </p>
<p>Dirk waits patiently.</p>
<p>“Oh my <i>god</i>,” John repeats. His face is bright red. “Dirk-”</p>
<p>Dirk grins, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. “There’s more in there, you know.” </p>
<p>John mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like <i>oh my god</i> as he obligingly lifts the slime out of the box, placing it on the table like it’ll explode if he’s not careful, and looks into the box. He lifts the tarp out with no comment but an audible swallow, but the Super Soaker has him staring at Dirk again. “Really?” </p>
<p>“Really,” Dirk says. “That should get the job done, by the way, but I can modify it if I have to. I would’ve already, actually, but I wanted to see your face when you opened it.” </p>
<p>“Dirk, I’m going to kill you, and it’s going to be Just.”</p>
<p>“You know, I feel like there are some other verbs that would fit better there, so - wanna go set shit up?” </p>
<p>“Set shit up,” John repeats. He looks down at the garish water gun in his hands - not that he has any room to care about its appearance after the Zillyhoo bullshit - and makes a bold attempt at not glancing over at the comically-large tub of slime. Keyword: attempt. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Dirk says. He stands and walks over to stand by John, placing his hand on John’s waist with just enough pressure for his intent to be clear. John jumps a little, which is, frankly, really fucking cute. “I told you I’d be down to get slimed, I’m not going back on that.”</p>
<p>John turns to face him. His eyes keep darting to the slime. “You… really.” </p>
<p>“I wouldn’t have gotten all this shit if I wasn’t vaguely interested,” Dirk says, shrugging. “Besides, consider it a reward for finally figuring out your weird kink.”</p>
<p>John is quiet for a moment. Dirk squeezes his waist. “Yeah, okay,”John says. </p>
<p>Dirk lets himself grin again. He has a feeling that if he slid his hand over a few inches, he’d find John hard in his pajama pants. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>John swallows hard. “Yeah.” </p>
<p>“Cool. Here, take the shit upstairs and I’ll meet you after I clean up?”</p>
<p>John nods, turning the Super Soaker over in his hands like he’s still not sure what to make of it. Dirk kisses him on the cheek, sloppy and obnoxious, and goes to put his cereal bowl away in the dishwasher. When he turns around again, John and the supplies have disappeared upstairs. Yeah, this is going to be good. Weird, sure, but <i>good.</i> Probably better than Dirk would prefer it to end up being, honestly, but that’s not an awful complaint to have. </p>
<p>Dirk rattles around the kitchen for another minute or so, doing stupid shit like straightening the napkins in their holder and considering swapping the lids of the salt and pepper shakers before figuring that John probably wasn’t joking when he said that Dirk would be in over his head in a prank war, then heads upstairs. </p>
<p>He’s not super quiet about it or anything, so he’s half-surprised to see John’s back still facing the door when he pushes it open. The tarp is spread out on the bed already, nice, the Super Soaker looks like it’s already filled with slime, double nice, and John is just - standing with his hand in the tub of slime. </p>
<p>Dirk steps forward, clearing his throat just in case John really hasn’t heard him, and John pulls his hand out. “Uh, hey,” he says, turning to face Dirk with an awkward smile and an obvious boner. His right hand is covered in green goo, and god, but Dirk loves him. </p>
<p>“Hey,” Dirk says. He tilts his head towards the slime. “Is the texture good? I mean. Okay, that’s a stupid question, but you know. It’s not like the reviews really said whether it was good for sex shit.”</p>
<p>John laughs at that and tries to wipe his hand on the leg of his pants. It doesn’t really work, just smears the slime across both his pants and his hand. “I’m not an expert, but it’s… good.” </p>
<p>“Good.” Dirk steps closer then, his hands coming up to hold John’s shoulders and pull him into a kiss. “You’re hot when you’re flustered about slime,” he murmurs.</p>
<p>John drops his head onto Dirk’s shoulder and laughs into it. “God, we’re really just - sliming it up, huh?” </p>
<p>“You know it, dude,” Dirk says. “Sticky green bukkake, ordered just for you.”</p>
<p>“You’re so fucking stupid,” John says, affectionately, and kisses Dirk again. After a moment, his hands come up to hold the back of Dirk’s neck and - </p>
<p>“<i>Fuck!</i>” Dirk exclaims. “That shit’s cold, what the fuck.” </p>
<p>John pulls away with a startled expression that only takes a second to fall into territory that Dirk really, really likes. He carefully lifts his clean hand and runs it along the back of Dirk’s neck, eyes wide behind his glasses. “Sorry,” he says, “I forgot my hand was covered. Uh.”</p>
<p>It’s - okay, yeah, it was cold and a shock, but now the sensation on the back of Dirk’s neck is just wet and a little weird. He tilts his head to the side a bit so that John’s hand can have better access and exhales long and slow, measured. “It’s cool,” he says, and he means it. “You like it?” </p>
<p>“Uh,” John says. “I mean. Yeah, it’s. You look good - slimy? Ew. There’s gotta be a better word for that.” </p>
<p>“Muculent?” Dirk offers. He wishes he could say he pulled that out of thin air, but nah, he just has Thesaurus.com pulled up on his shades. </p>
<p>John wrinkles his nose. “Ew, no, what the fuck does that even mean?”</p>
<p>“Moist and moderately viscous, according to Google,” Dirk says. </p>
<p>“Oh my god, take those things off,” John groans. He reaches up and plucks Dirk’s shades from his face, careful to only use his clean hand as he puts them down on the dresser. “I’ll just - stick with slimy, I think. Or maybe just not talking. Uh. How do you want to do this?”</p>
<p>Dirk blinks at him. He’s used to having his shades off around John, but there’s always still an adjustment period, like, hey, eye contact exists now. Not that John’s doing a great job of it at the moment or anything, his gaze is more focused on the whole set-up on the bed behind Dirk, but you know. “It’s your slime rodeo, dude,” Dirk says. “You get to call all the viscous, muculent shots.”</p>
<p>“That really should sound grosser than it does,” John complains. “Ugh. Brains are so stupid.” </p>
<p>“Wait, are you really finding the word ‘viscous’ hot now?” Dirk asks. </p>
<p>John makes another useless attempt at wiping his hand off on his pants and sighs. “No? I mean. It’s not hot, but it’s not <i>not</i> hot either? It doesn’t matter. I guess I just - don’t know how to do this?”</p>
<p>“Well,” Dirk says, “typically, when your boyfriend’s arranged for you to cover him in slime, you just kinda… do that. Or are the mechanics of the Super Soaker escaping you?”</p>
<p>“Oh, shut up,” John says. God, he’s cute when he’s flustered. “Here, how about you just lie back on the bed, okay? Everything off but your boxers, if that’s cool.” </p>
<p>Dirk nods. “From here on out, unless it’s, like, wildly outside of the territory of slime sex, just assume it’s cool, alright?”</p>
<p>The look John gives him says he’s going to do anything but, but that’s pretty much what Dirk expected. John’s sweet like that. </p>
<p>As he said, though, stripping down is well within Dirk’s comfort zone, so he tugs his clothes off, laying them semi-neatly over the edge of the dresser, and lies back on the bed. The tarp is rough under his skin, but he’d rather have that minor discomfort then have their sheets get permanently stained green, as funny as that would be.  </p>
<p>“Lift your hands up?” John asks. </p>
<p>Dirk obliges, placing his wrists together so that it’s easy for John to tie them to the headboard with what feels like - “Is that your Slimer tie?” </p>
<p>John looks down at Dirk and grins. Yeah, no, it’s definitely the Slimer tie. “It’s thematically appropriate!” John says. “Is that too tight?” </p>
<p>Dirk tugs at the restraints as John sits back. There’s not really any give at all, and for someone that’s only done this a few times before, it feels secure. “Nope,” Dirk says. His mouth is abruptly dry in the best possible way. Like, okay, he set up all of this shit for slime sex to hypothetically happen, but now he’s almost naked and tied up and slime sex is literally about to happen. His life is kind of great sometimes.<br/>
“Cool,” John says. He looks hesitant for a moment, like he’s about to go off on another tirade about the absurdity of his own kinks, but then he gives Dirk a capital-L, probably-illegal <i>Look</i>. “Close your eyes?”</p>
<p>“Aye, aye, cap’n,” Dirk says, closing his eyes and resolutely telling himself that he won’t peek. </p>
<p>“And don’t say anything stupid, please? Beyond the usual,” John adds. His voice sounds different, now, like he’s no longer facing Dirk. Interesting. </p>
<p>“You’re one to talk,” Dirk mutters under his breath, fond, but he falls silent, trying to hear what John is doing. He…  can’t really tell. There’s rustling that sounds like John moving around, <strike>hopefully</strike> possibly taking off some clothes, but Dirk can’t hear anything else over the pounding of his heart. </p>
<p>Shit. This is already getting to Dirk way more than he planned for, but he can’t say that he’s complaining, really. Except about the fact that John has gone completely silent and now Dirk has absolutely no clue what he’s doing. Again - getting to him way more than he planned for. </p>
<p>Dirk attempts to stretch, but doesn’t get far. John is conspicuously quiet until, abruptly, his voice sounding like it’s coming from right next to Dirk’s ear, Jesus Christ, he asks, “You ready?” </p>
<p>“Hit me with your best shot, dude,” Dirk says. </p>
<p>“Okay,” John says. He sounds a little strangled and more than a little turned on, which, hey, Dirk’s pretty sure they’re both nursing at <i>least</i> a semi by now. He gets it. What he doesn’t get is why nothing continues to happen for what he’s pretty sure is at least two full minutes. If John is getting cold feet, he’s being pretty fuckin’ quiet about it, and -</p>
<p>Dirk hears the creaking plastic spring of the Super Soaker a millisecond before something cold, sticky, and wet hits him right in the center of his chest. He flinches, unable to stop the movement, and his mouth falls open in an involuntary gasp. <i>Shit</i>, there’s really no reason for that to be that goddamn cold, or for it to feel so weirdly good as it starts to slide down towards his stomach. </p>
<p>Once Dirk is as adjusted to the sensation as he’s going to get, he takes a moment to be mildly surprised by John’s choice of location. He’d thought that John would go right for the money shot, and - ah. Well, there it is. </p>
<p>The slime hits Dirk right in the center of his face, sliding down the bridge of his nose and somehow managing to find its way directly into his still half-open mouth. He’s trying to process that when John hits him again, this time a little closer to his upper lip, and Dirk splutters. </p>
<p>It doesn’t really have much of a taste or anything, but it’s cool and sticky and feels like it’s covering Dirk’s entire face at this point, and when he automatically tries to wipe it off, he’s met by the resistance of the tie holding his hands above his head. He has to remind himself to keep his eyes closed, although he wants to see what John looks like more than anything right now, not to mention the strange curiosity he has about his own appearance.</p>
<p>At risk of sounding like a cheesy, antiquated porno and for lack of any better words, Dirk feels <i>debauched.</i> A trail of slime is starting to slide down his cheek and down to the side of his neck, the vaguely starchy taste is all over his mouth, and there’s absolutely nothing he can do about it. Fuck.</p>
<p>Okay, yeah, so maybe Dirk has turned <i>Ghostbusters</i> slime kink shit into a control thing, but - the edge of the bed dips, and Dirk’s eyes open before he can stop them, and John, naked and really fucking hard, is crawling on top of Dirk, straddling his hips and pressing his hands over the tie around Dirk’s wrists, so really, who’s to say it wasn’t a control thing from the start? </p>
<p>“Hey,” John says.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Dirk says. He hopes the slime is, at the very least, covering up how red his cheeks are.</p>
<p>“You still okay?”</p>
<p>“More than,” Dirk assures him. He opens his mouth to add something else, but then John reaches down with the hand not still holding the Super Soaker and runs two fingers through the mess on Dirk’s face and the words disappear.</p>
<p>“Shit, Dirk,” John mutters. “I wish you could see yourself right now.”</p>
<p>Dirk raises an eyebrow and tries not to think about that too hard. His brain is kind of short-circuiting at his best guess at his current appearance as it is, honestly, and goddamn, this really isn’t going to be a one time thing, is it?</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Dirk says, trying for sexy but probably just coming across as flustered. It’s fine. John looks a little too distracted by the trail of slime between his fingers and Dirk’s face when he lifts his hand up to care.</p>
<p>Or not - John turns his gaze directly back to Dirk and gives him an easy grin. “Yeah,” he says, “I really don’t think there’s a good way to put it, but … yeah. Just - you look wrecked, kinda.”</p>
<p>“You’re not looking all that put together yourself,” Dirk points out, even though it’s not like it’s a competition of composure. (And good thing too, because he knows he’d be losing.)</p>
<p>“I mean, can you blame me?” John asks.</p>
<p>Before Dirk can try to think up a response to that, John’s slime-covered hand slides into his hair and grips tight, tugging his head to the side just enough to leave his neck wide open for a fresh hit with the Super Soaker.</p>
<p>Dirk chokes on a sound that’s not quite a gasp and flinches away as much as he can with John on top of him. “Fuck,” John mutters, and then he’s leaning down and - not so much kissing Dirk’s neck as dragging his open mouth across it, but it’s hot and wet and Dirk groans as he arches into it.</p>
<p>“Fuck, John,” Dirk mutters. His hands flex in their bindings and he wishes more than anything that he could grab John and pull him close, grind against him and get some relief for his dick that’s now completely and desperately hard. </p>
<p>John, thank fuck, has apparently become a mind reader. He keeps his hand in Dirk’s hair and slides his mouth up closer to Dirk’s as he finally fucking grinds down, pressing his bare dick right against Dirk’s boxers. “Shit,” he gasps, still a step removed from a kiss but good all the same, “you just - you’re covered in it.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, you, uh, got me,” Dirk says. Or at least, that’s what he hopes he says; he’s not sure how well coherent speech is actually going for him at the moment. “You can - I’m pretty sure there’s still more over there, if you want.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, I barely even used any, really,” John says, “uh, you - that’s okay?” </p>
<p>“Fuck, yeah,” Dirk says, “but if I could get naked first, that’d be great.”</p>
<p>John laughs a little, but the sound is cut off by a gasp when Dirk pushes his hips up into John’s. There’s a very real risk that he’s going to come just from this, if he’s honest, and he really doesn’t mind at all. </p>
<p>“Yeah, hang on,” John says. He lets go of Dirk’s hair and reaches down between their hips, pushing Dirk’s boxers down to somewhere around his knees and yeah, that’s a little more like it. “Shit. Can you - this is going to sound stupid, but I kind of just want to dump the entire rest of the tub on you?” </p>
<p>“Hey, it’s still your slime rodeo,” Dirk says, in what is definitely a very measured and even tone. “It’s not like there’s a finite supply of slime in the world or anything. Well. I don’t actually know what that shit’s made of, but I’m pretty sure it’s, like, cool to eat and -”</p>
<p>“Slime discussion later, eyes closed now,” John says. “I am too horny to discuss the environmental sustainability of my kinks with you right now.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, fair,” Dirk says, and closes his eyes. John climbs off of him and the bed a moment later, and he tries to catch his breath. Fuck. Half of the slime is still sliding down his skin, pooling at his collarbone and lower stomach, and the other half is just settling in and sticking to him, gooey and cool and feeling like it’s completely covering him from his nose to his chest.</p>
<p>He, like before, can’t quite parse what’s happening off to the side of the bed, but he has a feeling that John’s just reloading the gun. He has a habit of talking ambitiously and kind of chickening out, and Dirk is pretty sure that that’s how this one is going to go up until he hears the sharp inhale right above his ear. </p>
<p><i>Oh, fuck.</i> There’s a beat, and then a thick wave of slime is pouring down over the top of Dirk’s head. It soaks his hair almost instantly, getting it sticky and wet, before pouring all over his face and down his shoulders. He gasps and is rewarded with a glob of slime slipping directly into his open mouth. His body is instinctively trying to jerk away from the cold, sticky feeling, but he forces himself to stay as still as can. </p>
<p>John must be moving the tub as he pours it, because the torrent is suddenly coming down over Dirk’s chest, then his stomach, then right on his dick, Jesus Christ, that <i>really</i> shouldn’t feel anywhere near as good as it does, and finally coming to something like a stop as it trickles down over his thighs.</p>
<p>Dirk hears what he’s pretty sure is the empty tub being tossed to the ground - he doesn’t think that he could open his eyes right now if he wanted to, the layer of slime over his entire face is thick and heavy - and then feels the bed dip under John’s weight once again. </p>
<p>“Fuck, Dirk,” John says, under his breath and a little hoarse, then, “Is this - can I?”</p>
<p>Dirk’s confused for a moment, but then he feels the heat of John’s knees next to his shoulders, and yep, that’s John’s dick at his lips. “God, yeah,” Dirk says. When he opens his mouth, a little bit more slime drips in, and John’s breath audibly catches.</p>
<p>“<i>God</i>,” he murmurs, and then he’s brushing his thumb along Dirk’s upper lip, presumably trying to wipe some slime away but from the feeling of it, just smearing it around, and gently pushing his dick in between Dirk’s lips. </p>
<p>Dirk opens his mouth a little wider and runs his tongue over the head of it as John groans and pushes in a little further, and fuck, Dirk wants to touch him so badly but can’t, can’t even open his eyes, just has to stay filthy and helpless and groaning softly around John’s dick. </p>
<p>“Here, let me,” John says, voice rough as he starts to move, small forward motions, and then he’s brushing at Dirk’s eyes with the heel of his hand, mostly just spreading the thick layer of slime from side to side but managing to move enough of it away for Dirk to blink his eyes open. His eyelashes still feel like they have globs of the stuff in them and his peripheral vision is pretty much just a bright green blur, but he can see John now and that’s more than good enough. </p>
<p>He leans forward as much as he can with his arms still tied up above his head, taking all of John’s dick like copious practice has allowed him to do, and John’s hands find their way into Dirk’s sticky, saturated hair as he gasps. </p>
<p>“I can’t believe I am actually getting off on this,” John says, somehow laughing a little even as he moans, “but oh my <i>god</i>.” </p>
<p>Dirk gives him his best <i>Yeah, same here</i> look, but apparently, the slime-framed eye contact comes across a little differently to John, and his hands tighten in Dirk’s hair as he quickly pulls out. </p>
<p>John makes a noise that Dirk would tease him for if it didn’t manage to be hot as well as ridiculous, wraps a hand around his dick, and comes directly onto Dirk’s face in messy spurts. </p>
<p>Dirk closes his eyes again and lets it happen, tilting his head back just a bit to make the angle easier and only jumping a bit when some unexpectedly lands in his mouth. It’s not new that that’s hot or anything, it’s just - different with the slime still covering nearly every inch of his body. </p>
<p>“Fuck,” John says. “Can I blow you?”</p>
<p>Dirk blinks his eyes open and snorts a little. “That’s, uh, not going to be worth the effort, just - <i>ah</i>, yeah, that - <i>fuck</i>.”</p>
<p>Thankfully, John gets the point and has his hand wrapped around Dirk’s dick before he can finish his sentence. The slime literally dripping of Dirk’s dick makes better lube than Dirk would’ve thought, and he’s so fucking worked up that he comes just as John slides a hand up his chest to tug at his nipple through the viscous green goo. </p>
<p>“Shit,” Dirk gasps, managing to get yet more slime in his mouth as he tries to catch his breath. “Holy shit.” </p>
<p>“Yeah,” John agrees. He looks down at his hand, which is covered in Dirk’s come and slime, and wrinkles his nose before wiping it off on Dirk’s bare knee, just above his boxers.</p>
<p>“Dude,” Dirk complains. “Gross.”</p>
<p>John gives him a look. “Do you want me to get my phone and show you what you look like right now?” </p>
<p>“It’s - nevermind,” Dirk groans. “Untie me?”</p>
<p>John does, but before Dirk can get up and make a beeline for the shower, he finds himself pulled into a sweaty, sticky hug. John tugs him down to a horizontal position and tucks his head into the space between Dirk’s shoulder and neck, probably getting his hair covered in slime in the process.</p>
<p>“We should probably shower, huh,” John mumbles.</p>
<p>Dirk snorts. “Uh, yeah.” </p>
<p>“Okay,” John says, through a yawn. Fuckin’ adorable bastard, always getting sleepy after he comes. “In a minute, though.” </p>
<p>“Okay, but if my hair gets stained green, I’m going to kill you, and it’s going to be Just.” </p>
<p>“Uh-huh,” John says, because he’s spent many a post-coital cuddle session ignoring Dirk’s murder threats before. Dirk’s more serious than usual about this one, though - which is to say, not serious at all, but c’mon. He’s not going to be the one explaining to all of their friends why he looks like he just got out of poorly done Grinch cosplay. </p>
<p>But… John’s arms are comfortable, if not sticky, wrapped around him like this, and okay, he’s not immune to getting sleepy after sex. It’s fine. They’ll get up in a minute.</p>
<p>“So,” John says, after a few seconds of silence, his grin audible like he knows Dirk’s given up on arguing, “do you think I have any more repressed kinks?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading! feedback is always appreciated :-)</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>